Session 4 | Confronting and Dealing with Offense Big Idea: · How do I deal with offense in a Biblically accurate manor? 1. Take Heed to yourselves and Fight for Unity Psalm 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! 2 It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, Running down on the edge of his garments. 3 It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion; for there the LORD commanded the blessing-Life forevermore. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Hebrews 3:13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Matthew 7:3 "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye.” When it comes to offense, most of the time you have three options. 1. Take the bait and live with the un-forgiveness and bitterness. 2. Take it to God and confront the offense/offender for possible ultimate freedom and restoration. 3. Don't confront the individual, release it completely to God and refuse to drink the poison. 2. Don’t Be Afraid to Confront (Navigate) Conversation Example: 1. “I am offended at a person for something they did.” 2. “Did you confront them and talk with them about this.” 1. “No, I don’t want to deal with it.” No, I’m not a confronter by nature.” No, I don’t think they will listen to me.” 2. “If you don’t want to confront it, then talking with me is simply gossip. What do you want me to do about it? I can pray for you and for them but my best help for you is to encourage you to either do something practical about it or let it go and give them the benefit of the doubt. “ It is our Christian duty to deal with a brother in sin in a straightforward manner. Luke 17:1-5 Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.” Confront to gain clarity and not blame or accuse. Rebuke (epitimao) honor, admonish, straightly charge, sternly tell, censure. (council, negotiate, advise, consult) · Care enough to confront · Restoration comes through confrontation What is your intention in confrontation? If it is anything other than restoration and unity, then slow down and prayerfully rethink it all. Restoration must be the attitude of your confrontation, or it turns into judgment and condemnation. Scott mentioned how Christ never confronted people to assert His own defense or justification. He confronted to bring accountability and truth. 3. Determine to be a Peacemakers and not simply a peacekeeper. Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God James 4:17-18 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. Matthew 18:16-17 15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. 1. Tell it to your brother alone 2. If he will not hear take with you one or two witnesses for accountability 3. Tell it to the entire congregation or assembly of accountability 4. Excommunicate him from your influence. (Not disown) Church discipline is not to be done in a punishing manor, or to merely shun a person but to remove them as a detrimental influence from the fellowship of the spiritual community. This should be closely followed up with a pursuing of the brother as an evangelistic prospect rather than a brother in the family. The restoration would include a heart change and an introduction back into the relationship. How can a person deal with their behavior if they are unaware of how they offended you? In my experience, most of the time, people have no idea that: 1. You are offended with them 2. How or what they did to offend you. 4. Put my trust in Gods Ability Mistreatment always brings us to a crossroads. One trail is paved with blaming and complaining. The other is marked by trusting God and leaving offenses in His hands. When we choose to let go and believe God has our back, we grow better—not bitter—and stay on the path of our divine destiny. Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression. “It is vitally important that we move up into the Spirit and cease to defend ourselves. I have never met a victorious Christian who was on the defensive, but I have met, I cannot tell how many jumpy, skittish and thoroughly unhappy Christians who were burning up their energies in a vain endeavor to protect themselves. . . . My earnest advice to all such nervous souls is to turn everything over to God and relax. A real Christian need not defend his possession nor his position. God will take care of both.” A. W. Tozer Proverbs 3:5-7 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. 7Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. Psalm 56:11 God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Proverb 20:22 Do not say, “I will recompense evil”; wait for the Lord, and He will save you. Luke 6:27-36 But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 29 To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. 31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. 32 “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. 35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. 36 Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. Take Away: (communion) Psalm 119:33-40 Teach me, O Lord, the way of Your statutes, and I shall keep it to the end. 34Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart. 35Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in it. 36Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness. 37Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way. 38Establish Your word to Your servant, who is devoted to fearing You. 39Turn away my reproach which I dread, for Your judgments are good. 40Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me in Your righteousness.